January 31, 1996 Back From Sundance '96

Just got back from Sundance. My birthday is twelve days away. It's amazing how quick time spins by. I'm getting older and I'm not making films. Sundance was a blast. I saw a lot of people from my industry and I was truly fused with the independent spirit. Let's go make film.

February 23, 1996 Starting from Zero

Just began this new project called which seems promising. Basic idea: a genius mathematician going insane. Dreamland, my passion for the last few years, moves forward slowly. It's a hard world. Pizza and Falafel. $600 rent/month for a dirt bag apartment in Manhattan's whore district. Angels need props. Devil's got toys. It's hard to stay on the path when the Devil shows his cards.

Friday April 5, 1996 Retreat

I am in the country at my college roomate's parents' place. It's nice and I am about to embark on the first draft of . In many ways this is the most important week of my life. I feel a little weak but I must move ahead. This most likely will be the first film I make. It's not that bad. It's only taken me five fucking years to make my first feature after SS. These are the rules for this draft:

Sunday July 7, 1996. Call to Adventure

OK, so the script seems to be getting good responses. I do feel that it is ready to shoot. There may be some problems, but, they will correct themselves. Trying to make it happen for 20g's. People are excited. I think it will be a nice film for me and I look forward to working with Sean and Eric further.

September 13, 1996 11 AM Busyness

Associate Producer Scott Franklin came up with "the scheme to end all schemes." We've been asking every person we know for $100. We drew up a clever letter and searched our rolodexes. The letter is doing well. People seem positive and we've already brought in over a grand. Anything to get it done.

October 7, 1996 Just do it

Let me tell you, there's a lot of fear in making a movie. When you invest everything you have, from money, friendships, your own reputation into a project you gotta hope it'll turn out well. What I realized is that you must not think about what might happen with the film. Don't count your chickens...etc. Bottom line is you don't know what you have until you have it. So, the secret is to go out and make it.

DAY ONE 10/14/96 THE SHOOT BEGINS

Starts with the circle. The entire crew and cast joined hands and we all formed an economic and artistic partnership. A socialist collective. I made a speech from my soul. I thanked all and offered everyone a chance to take risks, a chance to make there own, a chance at a meaningful collaboration. I almost cried. My mom did. She's craft services. We shoot -- no more excuses.

Monday October 21, 11:40 pm End of Week One

Week one ended hard. We did the hallway in Joanne Ovadia's building. We didn't have landlord permission and it gave everything an edge. They are Hasidic and we were filming on a Saturday so we secured little interaction. There was a vicious Hurricane outside and it coincidentally rained out the first game of the World Series, Yanks vs. Braves. I'm glad the series is on but it may also cause a problem. The fact that the Yanks are getting their asses kicked means less baseball interest from the crew. More focus.

The day was a long one and was almost 20 hours. Hard. Matty had a vicious headache attack. But, he stuck in there.

After wrap I had my ceremonial cigarette and then I got a beer at Capt. Walters a couzine bar in Sheepshead Bay. My mind was racing with the compromises I had to make. Film is about compromises. It's so hard to get everything. It's a thin line between weighing what is positive and what is negative in this world. What hurts the film and what is important to get. Very confusing.

Today started well but we really slow down in the afternoons. After lunch is always a bitch. It takes forever to get set-ups.

October 22 11.25 DAY EIGHT DONE

Saw dailies today for the first time. Must say they looked really contrasty. This film definitely looks unlike any feature I've ever seen. It is very wild. All blacks and whites but many of the images look like beautiful stills. It really is a beautiful looking movie. I know now how to look at the images.

I've shot 14,000 feet which is two fifths of my entire load. I'm terrified. Ratio will drop for dialogue coverage. It has to.

Gotta save film.

Shot inserts today. High Contrast means we need many Close-ups. Cut the masters. Go for Close-ups.

11/6/96 1.30 am

Today was by far the worst day as well as one of the worst days of my life. It started with Headache 3. A stunt intensive scene. Many special effects and we are unprepared. Maraffi tells me he's got a new job starting tomorrow. Shit is pent up. Then, there's Sean's performance. I'd love to attach all the negativity to Sean's outstanding work, but truly it would be a lie. The day started off badly. I was ill prepared. My fault. Sean was amazing. Absolutely overwhelming.

I started to heave and barf and sob and pass out. I begged for life, the film, everything to end. I was dying. My heart was super fast, my mind cluttered, I was ready to sob. I don't know why. I was fed up and the anger was pented. I was lost and confused and depressed.16 hours later we got most of the day. I owe a few tight shots. Oh well.

Tuesday 5.11 am

One of our longest days just ended. Day started Monday at 8 am, it is now the next day time 5.11am. That makes it 21 hours and the entire crew ain't in bed yet.

We destroyed Euclid tonight. Shot it in a wide to be safe and that may have been a mistake. Shit looked a bit weak from above but the flashes really helped. Chris B.'s technology has been extremely helpful.

Eric leaned hard on me for going late but it is the last week and now is not the time to compromise.

Sean and I had friction. I did not pay enough respect to his headache performance at the head of Euclid destruction shot. He jumped on me and was pissed off for most of the day. During the Devi scene I knew I had to bring him down. The scene needed it. He was all over the place and fighting me. He wasn't trusting me. I told him to stop fighting me. He wouldn't. Then, I told him that we had the same intentions to make a great film and that for that to happen he needed to trust me. He finally calmed down. I had him take several breaths and then right before we filmed I had him hug Samia. I let the sound roll, then the camera, then the slate, then I called for places. And then action...nice take.

Thursday 11/14/96 6.32 AM

All nighter. Went pretty well. I dreaded most of the night probably because I hate this scene. The gun and Marcy's desperation just seem so over the top. Pam was real good tonight she nailed it. I made a mistake by making her first scene the difficult one of the speech. It threw her off and she told me how hard it was for her to jump right in it. She was really out of energy tonight but she summoned a lot from somewhere and really did some very nice stuff.

Something about Wednesday night: I operated the camera for most of the night, except when Matty fell, and I realized in order to do that you must be very rehearsed. Reason: It's so fucking hard to focus on 4 actors, frame and light all at once. One actor, no moves, I can handle but moving all around was hard and I'm sure my hesitation will show.

Friday November 15, 1996 8.21AM THE LAST NIGHT...

Just got into bed. Very tired. Nearly fell asleep after dropping off Sean, Ben and Tom Tumicello. Tom offered to be dropped off at a train but I would've hated myself later. He gave so much to Ephraim, really believed in it.

Good mood on set.

Mom and Jo wrapped and they hugged everyone good-bye.

Dad was happy to be around.

No circle, wait till wrap party.

Car scene, kind of good, good performances I think. Either that or I'm totally off and have no talent.

Will we go to Sundance and recognition?

April 23, 1997 4.40 PM

Eight days until May 1, so I awoke at 8 am after a four hour sleep and called Oren to declare we were on emergency. We need to finish the first cut by May 1 otherwise we are in trouble.

Peter Broderick of the IFC saw the trailer and read our press and was very interested in the film. He wants to see an assemblage. The IFC has a finishing fund and the 50g's we need isn't much for them.

Sunday June 8, 1997 8.50 am

OK. We are cooking. Eric feels it too. Cutting so that days are forgotten. Time is forgotten. Amazing. Always thinking about how to conquer the film. How to win. How to understand it and edit it and make it better.

Sean asked me what the film is about. My answer: ONE.

OK: So I told Sean that the White Void scene has me whipped. That I'm scared to face it. The fact of the matter is that I am ready to do it. I'm gonna cut that motherfucker and make it work.

Worked on VO with Sean. Very hard stuff to get right. Very tedious but we got very far. We really came up with some good stuff. Sean was hard at times to work with but ultimately it is me. I get frustrated and I need to have patience and to relax. It is a very meticulous process post-production and you need to work at it.

After Sean left I spent the rest of the day logging his stuff. Avid is dope.

Monday 6/9/97 23.43

Clint came up and we dumped the opening title score which is super dope. Sci-fi horror shit. Real cool. He also grabbed some sound effects out of Palestrini's vast library.

6/11/97

How many people helped us on this film. How many names are gonna be in the credits? There are 80 people who gave us $100. There's gotta be 200 names in the credits. Amazing.

I know we will get the thirty seven thousand dollars to finish this.

We've spent a fortune already. Spike Lee B&W. Jim Jarmusch B&W. Scorsese B&W. Kevin Smith B&W. Kubrick B&W (he doesn't count).

B&W is the way to learn. It's the way to figure out the world.

July 22, 1997 13.28.00

3 AM last night we got picture lock. Picture lock. The film is 79 and a half minutes of picture plus one minute and eighteen seconds of titles plus 3 to 4 minutes of credits. We are psyched cause we broke 80. 80!!!!! We did it. Sound work begins.

December 4, 1997 8.48 AM

A lot has happened since I last wrote. We hade been waiting to hear about Sundance Dramatic Competition. On Sunday I decided to go to my parents to deal with the pressure. On Monday I got a call from my friend Whitney telling me I should wait by the phone. My heart starts ticking. At this point I know we got something and I'm praying for competition. The day is spent on the phone with our lawyer who is dealing with the Next Wave contract. He tells me one of his clients has heard. Heart pounding.

At 8 PM I'm nearly dying, it's 5 PM in LA and I figure they call all competition people one day and everyone else on Tuesday. I decide to call Whitney. Her machine. I say that I'm dying here and I want to know what is up. I hang up my phone in Brooklyn rings. It's someone named Eric from Sundance. He tells me I have to fax over some info. I'm like, "yeah what for?" He's like, "you haven't heard?" And then he told me. At first, I thought he was Doug Ellin pulling my leg. I asked him to prove it and tell me what is Whitney's last name. He says that he's in Park City and not Santa Monica and doesn't know Whitney but then he preceeds to give me my FAX number and I start flipping out. Trevor Groth calls five minutes later and makes it official. Amazing. It was an amazing moment and I literally cried. We go out to Pravda and have an amazing time. Every once and awhile everyone starts clapping and applauding. Potentially, the greatest night of my life. The whole crew was there...great.